The Bright Side: Finding Miracles in Tragedy

As the holiday season is in full swing, I continue to grieve the loss of my only son to the mind robbing disease, Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy. I also am taking the time to find the miracles in tragedy as well.

Paul was a giving person who loved to make others happy. He enjoyed giving back, whether it was giving a friend a ride, by buying lunch for a homeless person, or cooking a meal that was sure to delight your taste buds.

Long before Paul’s death, I often would share with friends either in person, or by a social media post, that my gift in life was finding miracles in tragedy. Some examples included living with my own brain injury since I was 9, yet finding my quirks were actually brilliant gifts, then when my daughter was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer we learned to see the bright side of life and the enormous gift each day brings. More than a decade after Janaye’s healing from cancer when Pacific, Gas & Electric blew up my friend’s home killing 8 people, including her son’s girlfriend Jessica Morales, and leaving her son in a coma fighting for his life. We found the miracle of the love of Joe and Jessica’s mothers. Who’s incredible strength to help Joe recovery, as well as fight the utility industry for unsafe practices, inspired us all.

As you can imagine losing my only son has put that statement to the ultimate test. Since his passing, I have found myself at times saying, “where is the miracle in this tragedy?”

As the year winds down and I look back, not only on the year, but since the horrific day no parents ever wants to live through. I find myself seeing the bright side and miracles once again. Maybe it’s that time of year, maybe I had too much coffee today, or maybe Paul’s life no matter how short still has the power to make the world a better place?

I think it’s the latter. Paul was a bright light in life, and now an even brighter one in death. Knowing we cannot go back or change the past, I choose to absorb his light in the darkness and vow to see the miracles in his tragic death. That his brain, as the study of the youngest, last year of play football player to ever be found with brain damage and CTE, is lighting the way for more research and policy changes to be done to save many lives in the future.

Because of Paul, his life circumstances, and the more than a decade of legal work by myself and his sister Tiffani, youth tackle football with its brain trauma as an inherent risk, will be a thing of the past in the very near future. This change will prevent the unnecessary exposure of children to a spectrum of brain damage and disease, leaving the future bright for the next generation of young athletes.

What bigger gift to a sport loving society could our family have given?

As you spend the holidays with your family, please say a little prayer for ours, that while we mourn the empty chair at our Christmas and New Year’s Day dinner table, we continue to see the bright side of life.

That our tragedy, may truly be a gift and miracle after all.

History of CTE Awareness Day

CTE Awareness Day January 30, 2018 is right around the corner, and will be here before we know it! CTE or Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy is a progressive degenerative disease of the brain found in people with a history of repetitive brain trauma (often athletes), including symptomatic brain injuries as well as asymptomatic subconcussive hits to the head that do not cause symptoms. In other words, every hit counts.

CTE Awareness Day was started by the families of “Faces of CTE” in 2016 at Super Bowl week in Houston, in the NFL’s back yard so to speak. 

The day was founded to shine a light on the devastating disease, but especially to increase awareness at the youth level where millions of kids are exposed each year playing football and other sports with repetitive brain trauma as an inherent risk.

While the media, and other organizations you would expect to pay much more attention to such a significant launch regarding a topic that has garnered major attention and thousands of stories from The NY Times to People magazine, they didn’t. They looked the other way. The bold and the brave among us, took a stand for athletes, especially the children who played for fun and were not paid to play. It hasn’t been a popular stance.

In spite of the lack of some CTE leaders in research and advocacy’s support, CTE Awareness Day was a huge success. More than a dozen major new sources from NPR to the Houston Chronicle ended up covering the inaugural day. Families from across the country gathered representing athletes lost too soon from the NFL, college and Pop Warner. We shared our pain as well as joining together to make a difference.

Since that day last January, our group has written a book, “Faces of CTE” that will be available for purchase in March 2018 that chronicles the 14 lives of athletes who succumbed to the mind robbing disease known as CTE. We also gathered in DC in March on Capitol Hill for Brain Injury Day to let our collective voices be heard by law makers. And monthly we provided free “Tackling Grief” workshops with Grief Expert & CTE Mom, Marcia Jenkins.

Throughout the year we did the unthinkable, led by CTE mom, Debbie Pyka, we asked families of youth football players who died suddenly to donate their loved ones brains through our collaboration with Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville, Florida.

All in all, we moved mountains to create a lasting legacy for all levels of athletes impacted by CTE and brain damage.

As the year comes to a closing we are busy putting together the next CTE Awareness Day, so stay tuned for more information on participating in next year’s social media and national advertising campaign to raise awareness. If you want to get involved to donate or help, call 800-596-7860 or email kimberly@nationalcheersafety.com.

Tackling Grief Chronicles: Recipe for Hope

With Thanksgiving tomorrow I thought it was apropos to share some of my grief thoughts of the holiday and how wonderful memories can give us feelings of hope rather than hopelessness.

The last big holiday I spent with my son Paul before he died was Christmas 2013. Since he was an assistant chef for a catering company in Los Angeles who provided gourmet meals for TV and movie sets, he decided to be our chef for Christmas dinner.

Through his job, he had the privilege and honor to cook for many celebrities you may have heard of, like JLo, Queen Latifah, Blake Shelton, Ashton Kutcher, and so on. He truly had found what he loved and it was exciting to see him so passionate about it.

I often shared with my children that finding what you loved to do most, doing it for a living and being paid well, is one of life’s biggest challenges, and greatest rewards.

Paul had that at 24.

For many of us, even myself, it takes years, even a lifetime, if ever to find that thing that you can’t fall asleep quickly because you can’t wait to wake up to do it.

Cooking and bringing joy through food gave Paul this most wonderful gift. If you check out his Facebook, you’ll see he didn’t post too often. When he did, it was mostly about food or his job. He was so proud of his work and his passion burned bright like the stars in the sky on a summer night camping in the woods far from the city lights.

When I gave his eulogy at his Life Celebration and shared this love of his, my heart was full of joy knowing he left here with that gift.

When I think about tomorrow and that my son won’t be at the table, in fact he won’t be at any table, it’s hard not to wish it wasn’t true.

But when I opened my social media this morning, I am reminded of a text between us about cooking for the holidays and a smile came across my face and filled my heart.

I remembered that he hated to see me sad and that while tomorrow won’t look like the holidays before he died, I can smile knowing he lived and lived life to the fullest until the very end.

So while we may still grieve their absence, I hope you will also cherish the memories and joy. I hope you’ll pull from the moments you shared and reflect on them with laughter and thoughts of happiness.

That in the midst of your loss you’ll find a recipe for hope for the future.

By: Kimberly Archie

Tackling the Holidays Past, Present and Future

Well here it is again, the holiday season. Deck the Halls and lets be JOLLY.

How do we go about being jolly when we can hardly hold our heads up?

There isn’t a magic formula, surprise play, one size fits all for those of us who are grieving the loss of someone we love. The holidays serve as a modifier to the memories and sense of loss we feel every day. But there are some helpful tips.

1. Everyone grieves differently… Some of us become outwardly more emotional, others quiet and withdrawn. There is no right or wrong way, just your way.

2. Acknowledge that the holidays are coming. Often times as the holidays get closer we feel anxious and we can’t seem to understand why we are feeling so unsettled. This can change from year to year. The days leading up to the actual day can be more overwhelming than when the day arrives.

3. Traditions… This is a biggie for me. Do we keep the traditions the same, or do we change them to give them a new look, but saving the most cherished? Or do we do away with some or all of them, in search of finding new traditions?

4. Acknowledging our loved ones that have died in a way that continues their legacy like preparing a favorite dish, placing their stocking in same place or perhaps a differently location. Speaking of those stocking, something that you can do to continue their place in our hearts and families, is have members write a special memory or a specific feeling they are having this season, place it in the stocking. They can be read and shared or put into a special memory box that can become a keepsake and shared season after season. There is also the “empty chair “ …… what do we do with the chair or that special space where “they “ always sat. Talk about and acknowledge that feeling of emptiness. Honor that sacred space sharing the importance of the person who now will fill that cherished place. Or leave the chair empty. Place a picture of the person on the table to serve as visual memory. Again, communication is key, discuss these ideas with the entire family so no one person is caught off guide or feels left out.

5. Have realistic expectations. We all aspire to create the perfect holiday. Even before the loss of our loved ones we expect too much of ourselves. No one person can do it all. There is no shame in reaching out for support in preparing for the holidays. There is no weakness in accepting others kindness. If emotionally it is just too hard, contact a professional for guidance and support. Truly isn’t that the meaning of the season of giving?

6. Take care of yourself. Get as much sleep as you can, but not spending all your time there, find a healthy balance, keep your diet in balance as well. Eating healthy will help your body as well as your mind. Accept an invitation to share a meal with someone. The best part of any meal is having someone to share it with. Try to get some exercise. If the mall is too overwhelming try a quiet winter walk. A perfect time for reflection and some tears, which brings me to tears, there will be tears. They are our friends, not a sign of weakness.

7. Be choosy … surround yourself with people who understand you. Don’t feel you must graciously accept everyone’s option where you should be in your grief journey. Stand up for yourself. My response to… you need to move on, get over it, put it behind you, he is much better off… was “do you want to trade me places” usually that ended the discussion. Our grief is not theirs to manage.

8. If the holidays do become overwhelming to the place where you can no longer do your daily work, care for yourself and/or your family. You may be having a condition called “complicated grief”. If you are having any of the challenges mention above, contact your doctor or a professional counselor.

9. In the season of being grateful, the purity of light and hope, we need to give ourselves permission to live again, to laugh and seek joy. We must remember when we allow ourselves those precious emotions it doesn’t mean we love or miss them less. There is no balance between the amount of pain we feel and how much we miss them.

10. If you just can’t do it, it’s okay. It doesn’t have to stay the same, it can change from year to year. A person I once knew always said “there is always next year” in this case he was right.
Remember, that love doesn’t end when someone we love dies… They are always with us. Maybe in the lyrics of a song, in the form of touch stone (mine is a cardinal), a cool breeze, or a Christmas stocking. Their memory and legacy grows.
In the spirit of the season…..PeacePictured: Mike Jenkins (March 3, 1966 – May 5, 2011) & Marcia Jenkins, Faces of CTE, Brain Donation Family Relations Director

Tackling Grief Chronicles: When Grief Tries to Tackle Me I Just Remember Why We Started

The holidays are always tough for those of us who have lost loved ones too soon. With Thanksgiving and Christmas just around the corner, I find myself tearing up without notice, or a specific incidence. In the back of my mind constantly is how will I spend another year without my son Paul? Sleep doesn’t come easy, it’s hard to go to sleep or even stay asleep. The pressure of what to do for the holidays, who to spend it with and how will I get through all of those days; Thanksgiving, shopping for gifts, sending out holiday cards (okay, I was never very good at this task 😆), Christmas work parties, Christmas Eve, New Year’s Eve and New Years?

I really just want to work, help people, just skip it all and pretend  tomorrow is January 2, 2018.

Life doesn’t work that way.

I also know I am not alone. While not everyone has lost their only son, or share all of the variables that sew into my quilt of grief, people who have lived a few years or more, have difficulties and situations that make up their own grief quilt. And if I have learned anything in the 3 plus years since Paul died, you can’t compare your grief to anyone else’s. It’s not a game. There is no score. There is no winner. No one gets the “my grief is bigger than yours” award. If a situation has occurred in one’s life that weighs on them and it’s categorized by them as grief, than it is what it is.

For my brain injury survivor friends who grieve who they once were, their grief counts too. It matters. It matters as much as my grief for my son’s death does. It all counts.

As a traumatic brain injury survivor, and once a caregiver to my daughter, Janaye, when she had Stage IV cancer, I learned a few life lessons during the peaks and valleys of those experiences that I carry over to face Paul’s untimely death.

Live life to the fullest. Just do it, do it and do it and do it, until the job is done.

Some days, like today I need a little help living my life to the fullest. A shot in the arm, a pick me up as they say.

So I pulled out one of my old tools in my live life to the fullest toolbox, that I call the, “why did you start in the first place?”

I spent an hour or so thinking about how ten years ago come January 2, 2018 my daughter Tiffani and I sat at our kitchen table and made a conscious choice to take on the Goliath of all Goliath’s; the sport industry. I let it just soak in how we got started, why we chose to do it, what our first goals were and what motivated us to take such a huge leap of faith.

I vividly remembered the words Tiffani said as a young woman with her whole life ahead of her, sitting across our kitchen table in a small apartment in a Southern California city just outside of Los Angeles at the wise, old age of 19. She said, “mom, we were lucky. My injuries weren’t catastrophic like other kids we have met. Janaye lived unlike other families we have met. Those families who have lost their kids on the playing field or have to care for them around the clock, they’re exhausted. We can do it for them. We have energy to do it and we should.”

So we did.

Tiffani and worked around the clock building a website, designing marketing materials, reaching out to people, logging injuries and talking to the media. In a few short weeks, we launched the National Cheer Safety Foundation, and the rest is history as they say.

Looking back I can not believe what we did, and what we continue to do. The goals and landmark achievements are too many to list but in honor of remembering why we started, as well as our ten year anniversary being around the corner. Here is a list of the “Top Ten Things” we have accomplished since we started at the kitchen table in 2008, that helped me remember why we started.

  1. The recent federal court ruling in Archie et al v. Pop Warner.
  2. The settlement in 2011 of a lawsuit for a young, brain injured, cheerleader named Lizzie Nicks with one the of the best trial lawyers in California, Gary Dordick. This breakthrough legal research has been used over and over again in dozens of lawsuits for injured athletes all across the country.
  3. Helping State lawmaker Lorena Gonzalez to make cheerleading a Title IX sport in California.
  4. Writing the first catastrophic emergency plan for youth sports in 2008 and making available for free on the internet.
  5. Participating in the inaugural year of Acrobatics & Tumbling including being an official for meets, as well as seeing USA Gymnastics become their governing body.
  6. Finding the 1969 research by the National Academies of Science on football injuries while working on the NFL brain injury case on behalf of former NFL players for the well known law firm Girardi | Keese, made famous in the Erin Brockovich movie. The most important single piece of evidence in landmark case.
  7. Being named an official research partner of the National Center for Catastrophic Sport Injuries Research at the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill in 2008, along with our cheerleading injuries being added to their database setting off a media blitz from People magazine to the Washington Post.
  8. Developed the legal strategies used to mediate the landmark US Soccer case settlement to remove headers for athletes 10 and under, as well as count headers for athletes 11-13.
  9. Orchestrating more than 20,000 hours of hundreds of volunteers and experts over ten years to do pro-bono work for athletes from kids to the pros.
  10. Launching the awareness campaign “Faces of CTE” with dozens of sport families who lost loved ones too soon to the mind robbing disease of Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy.

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So even staring at another difficult holiday season, when I look at this list and remember why we started. I can conquer another year without Paul because we have a lot of work to do still to make a difference in the world, and leave a family legacy in law and sports, that our beloved Paul will forever be the face of.

–Kimberly Archie

Paul Bright Jr.: 3 Years Later We Still Celebrate His Life

Three years ago today I gave the eulogy for my only son Paul Wayne Bright Jr., at his “Celebration of Life” in front of more than 300 people who gathered with his family to share who he was, and what he meant to them. At that time we didn’t know he had CTE from youth football. We wouldn’t receive this news until April the following year.

When I went to the podium to speak, I looked up at the crowd. I saw my daughters who looked confident in my ability to pull it off, and his brothers, and his dad and other mom Christy. The rest of the room had a look of horror and surprise on so many of the faces I went off outline of what I had rehearsed to address the room’s fear of his mom giving his eulogy.

I looked as many of them in the eye as I could and I proudly proclaimed, “I know what many of you are thinking. How can his mom get up and speak today? How will she do it without falling apart?”

I continued to explain to them that from early after his death I knew I wanted to give the eulogy. I felt it was my greatest honor to plan his service and share who he was. I wanted when people left that day to know him better than before, to leave feeling uplifted and not as sad as when they arrived.

With my words we were giving permission to laugh and feel joy even though he was gone in the physical. We could truly celebrate him because after that day I explained we would have many days to cry and mourn his loss, but today we needed to heal. To feel his presence, feel his love and to feel us loving him.

With the help of a PowerPoint titled, “Giving” I shared his two families, him as a baby, moments that stood out in my mind and what a caring and kind man he had become. I didn’t write a speech, I spoke from my heart on the spot. I didn’t really think you could write these moments anyway. For me, I wanted it to be real and authentic and in the moment. It was all of that and more.


His sister Tiffani was the MC, his dad did the home slide show of photos. We had to have two. One for generic memories and a second just for sports. Yes, his childhood was a life full of sports, especially football.

One of the owners the company he worked for named Liz, told stories of Paul on the job. His service wouldn’t have been complete without this part. His work had become his life. Being a good employee and assistant chef was his main focus. He had found his calling in life. At 24 that is an amazing gift and many leave this Earth never knowing this. We were so grateful he had.

His roommate spoke too and even one of his cousins got up last minute to share, mentioning he was inspired after the eulogy to feel more happiness that day remembering who Paul was.

It was a true day of celebration, giving, loss and healing. It was the first big step in a lifetime we will spend missing him and honoring his memory. I realized as the day was winding down there will need to be many more opportunities to heal to survive his loss. My mind begin to think of ways how.

Three years later one of those magical ideas to help people grieving heal has come to fruition with our “Tackling Grief” Monthly call in work shop with grief expert Marcia Jenkins.

Grief doesn’t end after the services or burial is over. It’s a life time process. Some days are better than others, but the loss is felt every day. This workshop helps me connect with others like me in an easy format of just calling in and entering a pass code. It’s been life changing.

If you are grieving the loss of a loved one, or have suffered an injury and grieving who you once were, please join us the first Monday of each month at 5:00 pm PST for an hour of love and healing in a safe space.

The Rick Klassen CTE Story

My dad’s life ended far too early.

He died of lymphoma at the age of 57 following a three-year battle with cancer. However, as a former professional football player, it’s not the only battle he faced in his life.

As it turns out, my dad also suffered from the effects of chronic traumatic encephalopathy, or CTE. It doesn’t come as a surprise to our family, and it certainly wouldn’t have come to a surprise for him. He knew he had CTE before he passed away in December 2016; he just didn’t know the extent to which he had it.

The CTE was officially discovered by doctors who analyzed his brain months after it was flown to the Canadian Concussion Centre in Toronto, Canada where the brains of dozens of former athletes, both hockey and football players, have been autopsied. For his part, my dad wanted to donate his brain to know more about the effects of the thousands of sub-concussive hits and concussions suffered by his brain that was bashed around during a 10-year career as a defensive lineman in the Canadian Football League.

That doesn’t even include his four-year collegiate football career as an offensive lineman and several years of playing football and hockey as a youngster growing up in Chilliwack, B.C.

Diagnosed with Stage 2 CTE and what they call “argyrophilic grain disease,” a type of dementia, my dad’s brain was the equivalent of someone in their 70s or 80s. That is mind-boggling when you think about.

If you were having a conversation with him, you wouldn’t have ever known. He was a very intelligent man with a business degree and someone who seemingly had the answer to everything you asked him, from the economy to world politics to how things work. My dad knew what was going on.

However, on his bad days, you would get a clearer picture of what was going on in his brain, although some of his erratic behaviour wasn’t exclusively due to CTE. There was depression, irritability, mood swings, and if you ruffled his feathers, watch out. My dad was like the hulk. It was scary to watch and experience first-hand.

I am the youngest of the three, with an older brother and older sister who got the brunt of my dad’s tirades, along with my mom. My dad was emotionally abusive, especially to my brother, knocking him down a peg at seemingly every turn. I got some of that, too, the feeling of not being good enough. In our household, perfection was expected, and if it didn’t happen, there were consequences in form of yelling and screaming and words I cannot repeat.

My parents separated when I was 10 years old. My mom could not go on any longer dealing with the anger, disrespect and his downright inability to hold down a 9-5 job. My dad didn’t always like working with other people, and his irritability got the best of him, or perhaps the worst of him, at times. It cost him his marriage and relationships with two of his children.

However, there was another side of my dad that I had a privilege to experience. A loving side, a caring side. Every other weekend, I looked forward to visiting him and watching football, the game he loved so much. But it was more than just sports. Just being in his presence and feeling that love from him filled me up every time, and kept me coming back for more.

His parents and sister remember times before he played football at a high level, and they remember a kind, loving, protective son and older brother. Also someone who was incredibly intense and driven to succeed at whatever he did, but especially sports. He was an accomplished hockey, basketball and soccer player among other sports before settling on football.

During times like these, reflecting back on what could have been had my dad not played football or any contact sport, I don’t know what the answer is. It may have been better, it may not have been. Then again, I cannot image my dad without sports in his life. I cannot image having a dad that wasn’t a local sports celebrity and Grey Cup champion.

It spawned a passion for sports within me and that has served me well, playing sports like hockey and learning the valuable lessons about teamwork. But it has also landed me a career as a journalist. After years of having the dream of being a sportscaster, probably from the time I was 3 years old, I have had the pleasure of living it out. I am now 30 years old and have been a sports reporter at a television station in Kamloops, B.C. for six years. I partly owe some of that to my dad and who he was as an athlete and avid sports fan. I looked up to him and wanted to experience some of the attention and glory he received from teammates and fans.

So did CTE derail my dad’s life? Maybe. Would I want things to be different and have grown up with a happy, functioning nuclear family that was together? Sure. Would I want a different dad? Absolutely not. I loved him with all my heart, CTE or not.

If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to contact me at chadklassen87@gmail.com

Let’s Not Throw Our Kids to the Lions

During Roman times men were placed in arenas to do battle. Sometimes the battles were so fierce that only one man would come out alive. Thank goodness in the fifth century, this type of activity was deemed to be cruel and barbaric and was finally outlawed.

But maybe that barbaric activity changed into “new” and more socially acceptable practices like say; boxing, football, hockey, cage fighting, and maybe even warfare depending on how you look at it. (Where strength over weakness is celebrated as victory) Perhaps mankind’s’ fascination with humans pummeling each other actually continues unabated to this day. In Roman times most of the combatants were not necessarily in the arena by choice……. but they were always adults!

Children were not thrown into arenas as tiny gladiators.

So how have we evolved in modern times to the point where we are now willing to put our own children in such battles? How is it that we can put them in the equivalent of cheap Halloween costumes and ask them to emulate their NFL heroes? We did it. And we can honestly tell you we didn’t know at the time that we were slowly killing our son. We just didn’t have the information necessary 25 years ago to make the proper decision for the welfare of our child. Our biggest fears were orthopedic. Bones (for the most part) can break and heal. Now we have learned BRAINS CANNOT heal like bones can. And this we have learned the hard way. (The hardest way imaginable) We lost our son at the age of 32. And sadly he was lost before he ever had a chance to live his life.

Our son Patrick never played in the NFL. Patrick was like millions of children before and after him that just played for fun and success in life. But throughout high school, prep school and Dartmouth College, our sweet, tough, young running back received enough sub-concussive blows to his head to essentially seal his fate. When he died, a newscaster friend of the family suggested he might have CTE, Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy. We had never heard of CTE before. We had heard about NFL players having brain issues but never dreamed it could have an effect at the level of a college player. When Patrick’s autopsy revealed he had widespread CTE we were shocked and horrified. How many other players like Patrick are there out there? How many other families are dealing with a loved one gradually coming unwired and have no clue what is happening? Not every grieving family has a newscaster friend saying the words CTE. For the sake of American families this has to change.

People need to know that this disease is out there. That it can occur in youth and high school and college levels of collision sports. Families need to know what the symptoms are and how to address the disease. This has been hidden in plain sight for much too long. It was this realization that prompted our family and friends to form the Patrick Risha CTE Awareness Foundation and the website,StopCTE.org. Families are burying loved ones all over this country thinking they died from suicide, drug addictions, PTSD, depression, ADHD, and irrational behaviors. Thinking that somehow something happened to change the person they loved, and feeling somehow that they failed them. Very few are linking these deaths to CTE.

Since CTE can take a decade to be symptomatic, most often no one is linking it to previous military or sports history from so many years ago.  CTE is an insidious disease that grows very slowly in the brain. We believe the magnitude of this horrific disease has yet to be discovered. Gunplay and murders are in the news every evening, and we always wonder how many of the perpetrators played one football game too many. Society muffles the fact that a reported 20 veterans a day commit suicide, and that suicides exceed homicides every year.

Science is showing that children are in danger and need our help and that families are in crisis. Parents are receiving conflicting data and just don’t know. Every person has the duty to save these children and families. CTE is 100% preventable. Let’s learn as a society to cheer our children in sports that are not harmful to their brains. Let’s get kids out of the arena.

Karen & Doug Zegel
Patrick Risha CTE Awareness Foundation

Living with CTE

Living with an addict isn’t easy.  The facts are in on that!  All you have to do is search the internet to find that most couples don’t survive addiction.  It destroys families, and rips and tears all logic away.

The hardest part of all of this for me is that Grant lived his most of his life and our entire marriage without any idea what the root problem was with his health.  He went in and out of rehab facilities over the years, and could never get sober.

Sadly, it wasn’t until after his death, and the autopsy report by Dr. Ann McKee at the Boston University, before it all started making sense to me.

Grant had Stage III CTE.

As I researched CTE symptoms, I realized Grant had every single one of them. I kept thinking about all the years of our marriage, and all the questions I’d had without answers.  I had continued to believe he would come back to me.  Now I understood why he couldn’t ever return. So much sadness, misunderstandings and grief…..

On July 15, 2012 Grant Feasel died and my world changed forever. I never planned on being married to anyone but him.

Grant Feasel; football;

Grant had sacrificed himself.  He died a shell of a man.  He had been a huge offensive center in NFL for so many years.  He slowly changed, like the sands of the seashore, until he wasn’t anything like the Renaissance man I had married in 1983.  A man who loved poetry and played the guitar and who had options.

He was a 4.0 GPA Biology PreMed major.  He was accepted into every Dental and Medical School in the state of Texas. He wanted a family, and he told me I was the love of his life.  I loved Grant Feasel.

All our plans and dreams were taken away by a lifetime of addiction.  Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy took the man I loved away from me, and my life will never by the same.

I’m begging parents to look at the evidence of all high impact sports to the brain.  Nothing is worth the pain and heartache that we went through.  Grant lived a life of pain.  He became an addict trying to stop the pain.  The longer an athlete plays a head banging sport the more likely it is for them to have a lifetime of health issues.  There is no scholarship or any amount of money that can replace a human life.

America’s favorite game actually kills people.

By: Cyndy Feasel

The Head Is In The Game

Five years have gone by since we lost our Joseph to suicide and CTE. Seems like yesterday when I watched him walk out the door, the last time I saw him alive. Time does not heal the wounds, every day that passes knowing he is never coming back is more painful. At times the grief is unbearable, I know I have to cope with the reality he will never walk through the door again.

Each year for many families this is becoming a reality also. Each year knowing the children are running onto the football field, or entering a boxing ring makes me nauseated knowing they are being exposed to brain damage which substantially increases their risk of early onset of a neurological disease. Each year, parents and coaches are brainwashed with the “safer than ever” hype promoted by the sport industry to use children for their feeder system for their own benefit. The benefits pay off for the promoters, yet in the end those in the feeder system are the ones who suffer.

I never knew what CTE was until my son died, had I known about this brain disease, which has been swept under the rug for many years, I would have never let my three sons play tackle football. When will parents and coaches realize that repetitive hits in heavy, plastic, helmets not made for kids will cause brain damage?

The answer is, when it’s too late.

Joseph Chernach

There is no taking the head out of the game. The head is in the game, both mentally and physically, and cannot be removed. This we learned too late, and the regrets I have weigh on my mind daily, the suffering will continue for my family forever. Knowing my son’s brain was being destroyed by a disease we never suspected, or were even warned that it existed, is devastating and we have to live with these thoughts forever.

As the years pass we will read of many more CTE victims as millions of children have been exposed to brain damage from repetitive hits.  Do the benefits really outweigh the risk? Many injuries and deaths can be prevented by eliminating tackling, headers, checking, sparing and boxing.  #saveyourbrain

By: Debbie Pyka